Break Free from the 'When I Lose Weight, Then I'll Feel Okay' Mental Trap
Notice for yourself if you have ever believed a thought that started with “when I... then I’ll...”
It may not be a conscious thought - notice if there is a sense of desperation around something you want, that you believe you are lacking.
Then notice what happens if you ‘get’ the thing you believed would make you feel okay...
Is it ever enough to sustain your happiness and internal stability?
Notice if the things you want are coming from the need to experience a certain feeling…
If it temporarily gives you the feeling you desire, do you then fear how you would be lacking without it? In my experience, no matter how much weight I lost, I was never satisfied. I was a slave to the voice in my head that kept shifting the goal posts - “lose just a bit more and then you’ll feel okay”... I never got there and yet, I kept obeying this voice and believing its promises.
The things we want, on their own aren’t a problem, it’s important to notice the ‘how’ in which we go about trying to get/achieve something. What we are thinking and believing about a situation determines how we suffer it…
“When I get rid of my wrinkles, then I’ll feel okay...”
Often we are conditioned to look externally for solutions to not feeling okay internally. There’s a thought/perception that’s innocently offered up to try and solve a problem, you grab onto it because it promises to provide a certain feeling you crave or take away an uncomfortable feeling. The promise of that feeling then drives your actions/behaviour.
The more this cycle of thought/feeling/action is invested in, the more familiar it becomes. When a fearful belief is so familiar, it feels like it is who you are, therefore, you don’t realise you have a choice. This identity (based in lack), fuels the investment of this cycle until the belief is seen and detached from through sincere questioning.
“When I have bigger muscles, then I’ll feel okay...”
This cycle is dropped when it’s confirmed in your direct experience that you are the one witnessing the thought/feeling arise within you, not as you. When you soften into the recognition that you are the witness of all that comes and goes, it becomes self evident where you are already, naturally at ease - without anything changing externally or you having to ‘improve’ yourself.
Every time you observe a thought/perception creating uncomfortable feelings, disengage from feeding it with your attention and sincerely question it, it will keep chipping away until you no longer see the same cycles of actions/behaviour playing out that fuel shame and self-judgement.
Your true power is in recognising who you are behind the voice that says…
What choices are you making that have fear behind them?
Do you believe you are somehow lacking without the thing you want?
What are you hoping/believing it will give you?
Is getting the thing connected to how you want other people to perceive you?
Is there one stress-free reason to keep the belief - “when I get… then I will feel …”?
Embodying Self Enquiry and Self Recognition as consistent Self Regulation practices, will continue to dissolve the judgements/fears/insecurities that unconsciously resurface out of conditioning and habit.
It’s no fault of your own when your attention gets swept back into the noise of the mind. These practices are here to support you to develop this new habit of redirecting your attention to rest in what is unchanging in your direct experience.
